'I won't do it!' I screamed at her andstood up.Her face turned to thunder and I went to run. She grabbedme and twisted my arm pulling me to her. 'I will teach youto disobey me, you naughty little girl.'She pulled me over her lap. I struggled and tried to getfree but her hold was too strong. I felt her pull up myskirt and then she started to smack my bottom really hard.I wriggled and tried to twist away. Each smack seemedharder than the last. I screamed and pleaded for her tostop. Tears filled my eyes. The humiliation as much as thepain caused me to cry.'So are you going to do as you are told Lucy?' My head washanging close to the side her left boot. I could see closeup how dirty they were, and I could smell the rubber andthe muck on them.'Yes Emily... please stop it hurts.''Are you going to be a good girl and do as you are told?''Yes, I will clean your boots for you.''Okay I will let you clean them but as you dared to disobeyme you will use your tongue instead of a cloth, do. I stupidly got married as well. The whole thing was a case study in what I do wrong. Again, I have no idea how she ended up kissing me in the street outside the pub (alcohol strikes again!), and I have no idea why I overlooked our serious differences and decided to try and make it permanent. After three years she made the perfectly reasonable point that she didn’t really love me any more, and that was that. Of course, I called her every name under the sun. I had gone back to University to actually get some kind of education and she had felt the pressure of supporting us both financially (although I had sworn I would return the favour), but I was suddenly facing my final year, homeless and hopeless. I basically broke down. There were moments when I was close to begging on the street, days when I didn’t eat because I couldn’t afford to. Mentally I was fucked up. I alienated a lot of my friends, and finally I found myself sitting in Victoria Park one Tuesday evening eating a load of.
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